Best ever, part 1

What is it that makes chemistry? 

Take superficially similar candidates: college education, gainfully employed, family-oriented, kind. Somehow two can flop and the third sparkles. 

--

I had the best first date ever on Sunday. I scheduled the meeting shortly after my kickball game. I sometimes end games covered in rain, sweat, and/or mud, but I figure anyone who dates me will see me in that state soon enough, so why bother pretending to be well put-together for the first date?

The team stopped for pizza after we lost 8-0. I was meeting the guy five blocks away, and I hung out while I was waiting. "Invite him here!" the girls insisted. But I overheard the boys talking about bodily fluids and decided it wasn't a good idea. 

--

I don't know how to describe what happened. This guy is cute. Tall, like I like them. 

I started by accidently grilling him, rapid-fire, and then apologizing for it. He played along, and managed to take my factual questions and give me anecdotes with personality. 

He's from southern California, but moved up to be closer to his sister. He went to school in Santa Cruz, studied psychology. 

He explained that he has mostly female friends now: "I had guy friends in high school - nerdy guys. People sometimes assume I'm bro-y because of my size, but I never have been." Positives for me on all counts. 

Somehow our stories veered to the serious right away. I told him how frustrated I am with my work. "I don't want to give you the wrong impression, I love my boss, I love the work I do, I'm just exhausted." I couldn't quite muster the other half of the thought, which would have included, "I know it sounds like I'm impossibly busy, but I could make time for the right person." But it seemed to make sense to him - no hesitant withdrawal, only affirmation of my feelings. 

He told me about his stint in the army and the injury that ended it. "I don't normally tell people about that so early," he seemed worried. He didn't want to give the wrong impression. But this made sense to me too - the reasons he started, what he hoped to get out of it. 

He was already one drink in when I arrived. After the second he must have felt his tongue loosening. "I'd really like to have a second date," he confessed, "but I'm worried about the impression I'm giving off." "I'd like that too," I reassured him, "and you're doing fine." We ordered food, I texted Michael I might not make it to see him. 

 

 

"I told him it's working, I won't be able to meet up," I explained to my date. "It's working," he agreed. 

After his third drink and my second we were making fun of ourselves for our premature confessions, and thinking maybe it was time to switch to water. 

I took him to the tea spot down the road, but not before blabbing it was my usual first date spot. "I told you I bring all my dates here," I said to the tea shop guy. "You weren't lying. How did it go with the last guy?" he asked. "He was awful!" I looked apologetically at my date who was listening in. "I tried to send you 'save me' vibes!" I told the tea guy. He laughed, "Is that what that was?" "But this one is much better," I explained. I looked at my date again and he chose the tea. 

We settled into a sofa across from a couple. He was writing in a notebook and she was apparently weaving. She offered us some of their tea, and showed us the loom they had up-cycled from a Goodwill picture frame. They tried not to watch as we were clearly enjoying each other's company. 

"How's your date going?" she asked when he went to the bathroom. "Really great," I couldn't help smiling. "What do you like about him?" she leaned in confidentially. "I mean..." I searched for the center of it. "It has to be the way he orients his life. He's really interested in helping people, that's primary for me." 

He told me later that they had a similar conversation when I went to the bathroom. She was surprised to learn it was our first date. 

We talked until late, way past bed time. This is a hallmark of first dates from all of my favorite couples - Laura and Jake, April and Rune, Linda and Joey. There is so much to say and you understand each other immediately. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, you already know I'm a romantic at heart. 

I FaceTimed with April the next morning.
 

"I'm really excited about him," I told her. "Yeah?" she was audibly happy, my best cheerleader. 

"I guess we'll see."

 

--

It's hard not to doubt the initial spark. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I'm trying to emotionally hedge against my own excitement. Liking him so much so fast means that it's also high risk. I think my attraction is based on the deeper qualities he seems to possess, but it's difficult to say if it's not superficial because I barely know him.

Our second date is set for Saturday, the couple from tea invited us to a party. 

Dating soundtrack this week is The Beatles: 

I've just seen a face 

I can't forget the time or place 

Where we just met