Berkeley Love Child, pt. 2
Berkeley Love Child. Very smart, at ease with himself, adorable. Looks me in the eyes when I'm speaking.
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In an attempt to transition into a more casual situation, I invited him to a movie night with friends. He couldn’t make it.
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Date #5 we met in his neighborhood. (Promising.) But here is where I also start to sabotage myself. I’m usually cocky on date #1, sometimes #2. They usually go well for me. But then I start to like the guy (or love him as the case may be) and the stakes get higher. I get more nervous, I get more awkward. This guy is cool enough for the both of us, and he carried the conversation at the first bar. He ordered me fish tacos and I pretended to be mad, but I ate them up. “I’m vegetarian, but it’s against my values to waste food,” I said. And that unwasted animal protein tastes dang good.
As we were leaving, he caught sight of someone he knew from his childhood. A fun coincidence, the guy was in Portland visiting friends. They chatted briefly before he and I left to take a walk around the neighborhood. I confessed that I’m a band geek, we debated which are the coolest baby names. As we pivoted toward the general direction of his house, I prepared my excuses. “I’m really thirsty, can we grab some water?” “You know what? My house is right over here, let’s just stop in there.” –or- “Shoot, I really need to use the bathroom.” “Do you want to use mine? We’re really close to my place.”
We were inching closer to his house when he caught sight of his childhood friend in a bar window. “Do you mind if we stop in here?” he asked me. “Of course not!” I said, because I’m a Cool Girl.
We got to his place eventually, but (my mom will be happy to know) we didn’t go all the way. And then I didn't hear from him again.
--
I invited him to an event the next week, he provided two half-excuses why he couldn’t make it. I started to consider all the reasons why he shouldn’t be interested in me. His radio silence was unsurprising given the overwhelming irrational evidence.
I reached out after a boozy evening with Lena in the Bay, like “Hey, I’m in your neighborhood!” Several slow responses later and he invited me out. I had my speech prepared. “You can be unsure about what you want from a relationship, but you can’t be unsure about me.” I’m too old for half-interested.
And so I try to apply the lesson I’ve learned time and again. Don’t waste your time on guys who are not worth it. Why is this so hard?
The follow-up date recap to come.
Dating soundtrack this week:
Closer, the Chainsmokers
Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them
But I hope I never see them again
--
Date #4 was unusual. He wanted to have a serious conversation. “Either he’s going to break up with me, or ask to be my boyfriend.” These were the only two options I could brainstorm with friends.
We walked through Mt. Tabor and I let him talk – both so that he could express himself, and so I could focus on not breathing audibly (another childhood insecurity). He rambled on, telling me stories about his family, details about his past.
This conversation will remain off the record, but what it boiled down to was this: he could see that I am looking for something serious and is not sure what his trajectory is. He wanted to be honest about the long-term possibilities (or lack thereof) between us. I told him that I’m comfortable being a Cool Girl and hanging casually. I told him I’d let him know if I needed more decisiveness in the future. +points for emotional honesty, -points for not being on the same page.
--
We walked through Mt. Tabor and I let him talk – both so that he could express himself, and so I could focus on not breathing audibly (another childhood insecurity). He rambled on, telling me stories about his family, details about his past.
This conversation will remain off the record, but what it boiled down to was this: he could see that I am looking for something serious and is not sure what his trajectory is. He wanted to be honest about the long-term possibilities (or lack thereof) between us. I told him that I’m comfortable being a Cool Girl and hanging casually. I told him I’d let him know if I needed more decisiveness in the future. +points for emotional honesty, -points for not being on the same page.
--
In an attempt to transition into a more casual situation, I invited him to a movie night with friends. He couldn’t make it.
--
Date #5 we met in his neighborhood. (Promising.) But here is where I also start to sabotage myself. I’m usually cocky on date #1, sometimes #2. They usually go well for me. But then I start to like the guy (or love him as the case may be) and the stakes get higher. I get more nervous, I get more awkward. This guy is cool enough for the both of us, and he carried the conversation at the first bar. He ordered me fish tacos and I pretended to be mad, but I ate them up. “I’m vegetarian, but it’s against my values to waste food,” I said. And that unwasted animal protein tastes dang good.
As we were leaving, he caught sight of someone he knew from his childhood. A fun coincidence, the guy was in Portland visiting friends. They chatted briefly before he and I left to take a walk around the neighborhood. I confessed that I’m a band geek, we debated which are the coolest baby names. As we pivoted toward the general direction of his house, I prepared my excuses. “I’m really thirsty, can we grab some water?” “You know what? My house is right over here, let’s just stop in there.” –or- “Shoot, I really need to use the bathroom.” “Do you want to use mine? We’re really close to my place.”
We were inching closer to his house when he caught sight of his childhood friend in a bar window. “Do you mind if we stop in here?” he asked me. “Of course not!” I said, because I’m a Cool Girl.
We got to his place eventually, but (my mom will be happy to know) we didn’t go all the way. And then I didn't hear from him again.
--
I invited him to an event the next week, he provided two half-excuses why he couldn’t make it. I started to consider all the reasons why he shouldn’t be interested in me. His radio silence was unsurprising given the overwhelming irrational evidence.
I reached out after a boozy evening with Lena in the Bay, like “Hey, I’m in your neighborhood!” Several slow responses later and he invited me out. I had my speech prepared. “You can be unsure about what you want from a relationship, but you can’t be unsure about me.” I’m too old for half-interested.
And so I try to apply the lesson I’ve learned time and again. Don’t waste your time on guys who are not worth it. Why is this so hard?
The follow-up date recap to come.
Dating soundtrack this week:
Closer, the Chainsmokers
Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them
But I hope I never see them again
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