Berkeley Love Child, pt. 1
Dating life goes in waves. When you first open an account on a dating platform, you are flooded with possibilities. There are hundreds of attractive people you have never met before, and they are all available to you. In the first week, you receive too many messages or matches and have to prioritize. “These guys are both cute, but this one lives in NORTH Portland. I’ll date him so I don’t have to drive as far.”
After a few weeks the exhilaration wears off and I become more methodical. I’ve developed my internal filters and am sending messages more discriminatingly. Finally I get to the point where I start scheduling marathon dates.
After the marathon comes the disillusionment. I’ll access the app less frequently, I’ll stop sending polite “Thanks, but no thanks!” messages. When I get a build-up of about 20 messages, I’ll read through them, send my phone number to my three favorites, and close my account. This is how I met the Berkeley Love Child.
--
I had just started my new job. I was in town more, but somehow felt like I had less time for trivialities like planning the remainder of my years with a solid life partner.
I prefer OkCupid over other platforms because of the amount of information it offers. And yet, some of the shorter profiles are the best. Berkeley Love Child offered few personal details, but had a picture in a v-neck sweater with a big grin. He felt out-of-my-league, but he invited me to get a beer.
We met at 7 and didn’t stop talking until at least 11. Crystal told me to play it cool on the first date, and we had plans to go grocery shopping after. But I couldn’t help saying yes to a second and a third beer. He’s smart and cool and works in education. He’s concerned about inequality and equal access to resources. He grew up in the Bay, and went to school on the East Coast.
“I guess I’m just a Berkeley Love Child at heart,” he explained. I went camping with the girls that weekend and couldn’t stop repeating the line. “I don’t know what that means, but I like it.”
After a few weeks the exhilaration wears off and I become more methodical. I’ve developed my internal filters and am sending messages more discriminatingly. Finally I get to the point where I start scheduling marathon dates.
After the marathon comes the disillusionment. I’ll access the app less frequently, I’ll stop sending polite “Thanks, but no thanks!” messages. When I get a build-up of about 20 messages, I’ll read through them, send my phone number to my three favorites, and close my account. This is how I met the Berkeley Love Child.
--
I had just started my new job. I was in town more, but somehow felt like I had less time for trivialities like planning the remainder of my years with a solid life partner.
I prefer OkCupid over other platforms because of the amount of information it offers. And yet, some of the shorter profiles are the best. Berkeley Love Child offered few personal details, but had a picture in a v-neck sweater with a big grin. He felt out-of-my-league, but he invited me to get a beer.
We met at 7 and didn’t stop talking until at least 11. Crystal told me to play it cool on the first date, and we had plans to go grocery shopping after. But I couldn’t help saying yes to a second and a third beer. He’s smart and cool and works in education. He’s concerned about inequality and equal access to resources. He grew up in the Bay, and went to school on the East Coast.
“I guess I’m just a Berkeley Love Child at heart,” he explained. I went camping with the girls that weekend and couldn’t stop repeating the line. “I don’t know what that means, but I like it.”
--
We met for another beer a week later. It was a school night, but I couldn’t help myself. We left the bar to “take a walk”. There was so much tension in those moments as we drifted through a sleepy neighborhood. He explained what he loves about cities, I pretended to know facts about basketball.
After a long loop, my car was in sight again and he lingered on the curb.
--
Date #3 was tacos on Alberta. We compared our favorite Spanish poetry. He suggested a jazz artist, I recommended Victor Jara. He told me about community building he had done during high school, I told him about past boyfriends. “Sometimes you see a spark in someone, and you can hold onto that through a lot of incompatibilities. You just want to draw it out,” I pulled at the air in front of me. “Where did that person go that I saw before?”
He was shy when he walked me back to my car. I kicked the curb nervously. “I’m intimidated by you,” I confessed. “The thing is, your spark isn’t ephemeral, it’s out loud and constant.”
He kissed me.
Dating Soundtrack:
Poema 15 by Victor Jara (originally Pablo Neruda):
Me gustas cuando callas
porque estas como ausente
We met for another beer a week later. It was a school night, but I couldn’t help myself. We left the bar to “take a walk”. There was so much tension in those moments as we drifted through a sleepy neighborhood. He explained what he loves about cities, I pretended to know facts about basketball.
After a long loop, my car was in sight again and he lingered on the curb.
--
Date #3 was tacos on Alberta. We compared our favorite Spanish poetry. He suggested a jazz artist, I recommended Victor Jara. He told me about community building he had done during high school, I told him about past boyfriends. “Sometimes you see a spark in someone, and you can hold onto that through a lot of incompatibilities. You just want to draw it out,” I pulled at the air in front of me. “Where did that person go that I saw before?”
He was shy when he walked me back to my car. I kicked the curb nervously. “I’m intimidated by you,” I confessed. “The thing is, your spark isn’t ephemeral, it’s out loud and constant.”
He kissed me.
Dating Soundtrack:
Poema 15 by Victor Jara (originally Pablo Neruda):
Me gustas cuando callas
porque estas como ausente
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