When it rains

My second date with N (you know, the “oops” one) was a Sunday. I scheduled additional League dates for Monday night and Tuesday night.

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Monday night was J, we met at Interurban. (This is like, my 32nd first date here? I have no originality in date spots.) “Looking for someone to make me as happy as Lucille Bluth when she sees Gene Parmesan,” he said in his profile. 

J is a really nice guy. He looks like a bit of a frat boy in his pictures, but as soon as he started talking, that perception went out the window. He’s a mechanical engineer, works in a factory that builds unglamorous products. 

J didn’t capture me as immediately as N did. Our initial small talk was really small, it took about a drink to find common ground we could both enjoy talking about. But once we did the conversation flowed naturally. I really like his values. He’s from Pittsburgh and strikes me as exactly what you would expect from an a capella singer/hockey player from Pennsylvania. He has very sitcom-dad taste, he likes following sports. I’m doing my best not to say “basic”, because that doesn’t quite fit. It’s kind of like an old-school, boy-next-door (if that’s a thing), cul-de-sac vibe. 

When I asked him about finding a community in Portland, I framed it as “Portland can be too hipster to function. It’s too much even for me sometimes.” But he looked at me clear-eyed and square and told me he finds the variety enriching. He’s not intimidated by the weird. He’s not taking it on for himself, but respects it for what it is. 

I’m not sure if I’m qualified to give anyone advice, but I did today. I espouse what I call the “two date rule.” If you are not completely wow-ed on a first date, it’s good practice to go on a second date with them. No one is completely their best on a first date - this is such a weird and unusual situation, and you may learn something good on your second. One notable beneficiary of this rule was a guy I dated back in 2014. He was pretty “meh” on the first date, but I saw a real spark on the second. We ended up dating for 6 months. 

J gave me just enough to be worth a second shot. 

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N is the kind of guy I want to end up with, J is the kind of man I think I’ll end up with; someone who is solid and adds value to a conversation, but not someone who stands out in a crowd. 

“Antes buscabamos los tres Fs: feo, fuerte, y formal.” A friend told me. We used to look for the three “Fs”: ugly, sturdy and reliable. “Ahora buscamos los tres Cs: coche, cartera y carita.” Now it’s all about the three “Cs”: car, wallet and face. 

I could throw N and J into this dichotomy. Not on a literal level, but if we stretch the metaphor... Neither is ugly, but N is prettier. J seems more predictable, in a way that could lead to easy stability. 

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Tuesday was A; he was a surprise. It’s not often that someone is better in person than they are on the internet. We had been texting before and I was bracing for uninspired conversation, but he managed to make me laugh, and we were able to relate on several levels. 

I told him about my worst house projects from the past year. He told me about the time his dad cancelled vacation in order to install a new ventilation system in their house. A works in corporate HR and has been on a career track since finishing his degree. Work has taken him around the country, but he made an intentional move to Portland. We talked about working in industry, trying new beers, and good camping spots. He manages to find a good work/life balance and doesn’t feel guilty leaving the office early if he is finished for the day. 

A splits the difference between N and J. He has a fast smile and cheesy sense of humor, his compliments were sincere, and the conversation was easy. 

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My date with A was Tuesday before Thanksgiving. He texted me the next day to check in, and sent polite indications he was thinking of me each day through the weekend. So both A and J will get second dates while I contemplate what is happening with N. 

A family friend once gave me the now-legendary advice to “date in threes”. The core of the idea is to keep your avenues open. A little comparison is helpful to see new people clearly. I’ve since been told that I took extreme creative license in my interpretation of the suggestion, but nonetheless I’m back at it; the roster is full. 

I can’t quite remember what happened the last time I tried to date three men at once. Can someone remind me?

Dating soundtrack this week:

Nick Lowe, I Love The Sound of Breaking Glass

I love the sound of breaking glass

Especially when I'm lonely

I need the noises of destruction

When there's nothing new

Oh nothing new, sound of breaking glass